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17 January 2007 @ 12:31 pm
Thoughts of a Broken Man - Rakuninmura: Embracing Darkness  
The fragrance...is your guide.

Follow it without losing your way. There lies the 'answer' that you seek.


"Kaoru-dono!!!" 

I race to the dojo, using every ounce of speed that I possess. Please...Please don't let anything happen to Kaoru.

He laughs hysterically, the aura of his madness clear for everyone to see. 

"Grieve! Scream! Mourn! And then die weeping!!"


No...Kaoru...Please...Please be safe...I have to make it...I have to make it in time...

"Look carefully with your eyes!"

"Kaoru-dono!!" I scream desperately. It was strange how I could barely recognize my own voice but I needed a reassurance. I needed her to tell me that she was alright. That she was fine. That I shouldn't worry because she was perfectly well and alive. 

My footsteps hastened as I caught sight of the door.

Why wasn't Kaoru answering? Why wasn't she saying anything?!

"Kaoru-dono!"

I halt as I reach the dojo, grasp the knob and rip the shoji open. Eyes frantically scanning the room for Kao--...


Kaoru...

Kenshin!
Ken-san! Ken...


The sword slips from my grip. "Kao...ru...-dono..." 

My mouth moved slowly, calling her name like a broken record moaning repeatedly. 

Eyes roving - tracing the scar engraved on her face in morbid fascination, I look on.

Staring at the image of my deepest most darkest nightmare brought into a reality - Kaoru slumped, bleeding, lifeless eyes staring accusingly back, her body mercilessly impaled by his sword on the dojo wall.

 My knees buckled, I fell to the floor. 

 "What good is Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu..."

"What good is Himura Kenshin...Again, I failed to protect the one who is most important to me..." 

My eyes stung, tears forming as I tightly shut my lids. Feeling the sensation of a loss so great ripping through me - whole chest crumpling, constricting. 

I couldn't heave enough air. 



Kaoru...



"KAORU..."


...

...


Everything went dark.


...


OOC: Chiiii~~ in depth character study of the ex-hitokiri.
 
 
Current Mood: numbnumb
 
 
 
Enishi Yukishiro: Sinisterenishirulesall on January 19th, 2007 02:42 am (UTC)
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I grin from afar, satisfied that Himura will now feel the horrors of losing what he cherishes most.

That is Jinchuu.
Kamiya Kaoru 神谷薫: cryazurescent on January 20th, 2007 02:07 pm (UTC)
Drifting...drifting away. It's as if being conscious and unconscious at the same time.

But my eyes, my eyes refuse to open no matter how hard I try to open them.

Everything was dark and my feet felt light, almost floating. I can feel sudden motions underneath me--am I being carried away? Or actually, am I still alive?

Kenshin, Kenshin!

I didn't even see his face for the last time.

Then my senses all go fading away.

Fading away into a barren and cold paradise.
Kenshin Himura: Thoughtsgentle_rurouni on January 22nd, 2007 02:16 am (UTC)
Helpless.

It is a feeling I am intimately acquainted with. A feeling I so loathe above all else.

Slowly rising, my mind chants continuous - telling me how weak I am, how inadequate and unbearably foolish to believe that the outcome would change this time. That there wouldn't be any more deaths.

Walking outside the dojo on my way to the toolshed, my eyes slid to the side when I felt my hand brushing something silky and soft.

A petal.

A lone sakura petal. Its ironic how such a symbol of love happened upon me on a day like this, but as the sakura petal lifted, floating away - carried by the breeze...

I thought I saw it shrivel and die.

Pulling open the door to the shed, my eyes scan the many items inside. Wood, bamboos, sharp axes, dull axes, boxes...- my eyes land on a rusted chain that lay on the floor. Yes, just what I needed.

Taking the chains - wounding it around my hand and sakabatou tightly - my mouth twists in a bitter smile. Useless thing, I wonder if I'd have faired better if I had gone with a katana instead....Hm. No, probably not.

Exiting the shed, I walk towards the front gates of the Kamiya dojo - never looking back. I have heard tales about a place called Rakuninmura. It is said that those who dwell on it are men who have given up everything, who have lost both their sense of honor and living.

Leaden feet shuffling in the graveled path, I trudge towards my destination - to Rakuninmura - to helplessness, failure, shame and defeat. I have nothing on me now. No one to protect and no will to protect anyone least of all myself. I have lost everything. There is nothing left for me here.

You can kill me now brother. I say to his image in my mind.

I certainly wouldn't mind and you'd probably do the world a favor if you do. A hit registers as I fall to the floor, the force sending me sprawled out on the ground staring sightlessly to the blue sky and lying there not bothering to stand.

Kenshin Himura: Consumed by Chaosgentle_rurouni on January 22nd, 2007 11:26 am (UTC)
Oh, I'm so sorry are you alright sir? I didn't mean to bump into you and - sir? Sir are you alright?"


I could feel the beginning of his alarm. I didn't want a commotion and so, blinking my eyes to focus on the owner of the voice - not really seeing his face, I nod and quietly tell him "I'm alright." before I rose and continue on my way.

Death and Suffering...Isn't that what Enishi wanted? Isn't that what Jinchuu is for? I stop, place my hand in a tree and lean on it. The rough wood digging into my palm and fingers. He was right, for what he did certainly gave me grief - a wake up call if you may as I saw Kaoru's corpse laid out on the wall - like a bloody buffet presented for my viewing pleasure.

Yes...he was certainly succesful.

It reminded me that this peace I fooled myself into believing, this happiness and parody of a family that I have been calling was just that...an idealistic fantasy.

My hands curled, the sharp wood breaking the skin and causing it to bleed. If it were suffering Enishi wanted he needn't have done what he did.

I have been suffering all my life.

Kaoru's corpse served as a reminder, it woke me up from a pleasant dream.

And as I stand here staring at the delapitated shacks of Rakuninmura I cursed myself again and thought - How foolish could I be? Thinking that happiness is something that one such as I deserve...

I shouldn't have stayed...I shouldn't have stayed...

Forgive me Tomoe. Forgive me Enishi. Forgive me Kaoru. For being selfish and wanting something that I should never dare to think or assume that I deserve. Forgive me for being foolish. Forgive me for believing. I shouldn't have existed. I shouldn't have been here... I'm tired. I'm so so tired.

Tomoe. Anata. Will you keep me company tonight? Will you embrace me so warmly as you once did? Forgive me my love but I need your prescence. Your warmth. I need your reassurance. Please allow me this. Allow me to hold you, as I have done during countless lonely nights. To remember and to lose myself into. To be with you at least in memories.

Your kindness, the changing seasons and happiness we once shared...It was real wasn't it? That small run down shack in Kyoto, those fields and the love that you have freely gven. The love I don't deserve. Please just for tonight, allow me to hold you. Allow me to remember...

The peaceful winter nights and phantom arms lovingly placed around me.

tomoe...
Amber Jessica/eggstohatch on November 28th, 2008 04:55 am (UTC)
Hey where did you get those manga scans from?
I wanna read(:
suzume29013 on November 30th, 2008 03:56 pm (UTC)
Rurouni Kenshin (Samurai X) Manga Series. Tome 24.
I highly recommend the whole series !!
Amber Jessica/eggstohatch on November 30th, 2008 04:03 pm (UTC)
Oh haha thanks(:
But I found another site. And I just realised that they're role-playing...
So sorry!